The ShamWOW! (part 2)

In ShamWOW part 1 (STOP! go read part 1) I talked about the history of the creepy ShamWOW guy and how he was involved in the murder of Billy Mays. I was thinking about the amazing super absorbent yellow towel known as the ShamWOW. (If your a hater your would refer to it as the "ScamWOW") I thought of some other uses for this mysterious sponge.
Inventions
1. ShamWOW toilet paper (reusable)
2. ShamWOW tissues (also reusable)
3. ShamWOW Snuggie
4. ShamWOW clothing line
5. ShamWOW bed sheets
6. ShamWOW blow up doll

This got me thinking even more. What if living things were made from ShamWOWs. A dog's fur made from a ShamWOW! That would be a scientific DNA altering break through. Think about it. I think it is an amazing idea. Don't judge me! I know its out of the box, but so was the idea of cardboard. Guess what the box is made out of CARDBOARD! Think about it...............

The Cheshire Cat

As weird and bizarre of a movie Alice in Wonderland was, the cat grabbed my attention through out the movie. It's creepy smile and those giant green eyes reach into your very soul then eat it and spit it back out. My point is i could totally relate with this cat. In a weird way I felt like if I were a cat I would look a lot like this cat. Don't get me wrong. I am not a cat person just this cat. Any other cat I would just shoot it with my turret gun I have mounted on my back porch. (for cat killing purposes) I would not shoot this cat. Maybe I would ask it to breakfast at Denny's. We would discuss the politics and the current state of the economy. I would find out this cat is rich and has millions of dollars from stock market investment deals. He is also an incredibly successful gambler. That night we teleport to Las Vegas and he shows me how to win a game of Poker. He wins the round. His strategy is his massive grin. When he has a good hand he smiles. When the other players get use to his grinning strategy the cat switches it up on them and smiles when he has a bad hand. A successful bluff almost every time. By this time this cat has tremendously impressed me with his financial skills. We say goodnight and I'm on my way. We never speak again. I see a movie called Alice in Wonderland and what do you know there he is. The breakfast eating, Denny's loving, stock market investing, teleporting, grinning, poker playing cat. I was truly inspired by this cat. I was very glad I didn't shoot him with my turret gun.

The ShamWOW! (and that crazy guy)

The ShamWOW (assuming you haven't seen the ADHD commercial) is a big yellow towel. This big yellow towel/waste of money is being held by Vince Offer/the creepy ShamWOW guy. Vince Offer also has a dark side. A side not filmed by ShamWOW cast and crew. A side that is angry and full of hatred toward his thick bushy bearded fellow infomercial host. That's rite you know were I'm headed.

CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT!

The ShamWOW guy killed off Billy Mays. The motive was nothing topical. It wasn't for money or revenge. I was all because of the beard. The most attractive thing about Billy Mays got him killed. This is the diabolical plan behind the death of beloved minor TV personality Billy Mays. Billy Mays died the day after appearing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. This is an actual quote from that very show. "I have a bone to pick with ShamWOW guy." Billy Mays said that and now he is dead. Vince Offer already has a bad track record. (beating up a hooker) Late the next night Vince Offer snuck in to the Mays house and shoved approximately 286 ShamWOWs down Billy's throat. (Billy Mays weighed 258 pounds. A dry ShamWOW weighs about 1-2 ounces. A fully wet ShamWOW weighs close to a pound) Do the math. If you shove that many ShamWOWs in to somebody it will absorb all the body fluids and the victim will die. That is exactly what happened to minor TV personalty Billy Mays. (1958 - 2009)

Prince of Persia (Movie Review)

Prince of Persia, I don't have a crazy amount of rambling nonsense for this one. First of all it is a movie based off a video game. Usually movies based on video games tend to be the worst piece of crap you have ever seen in your life. Thank you Uwe Boll! (Uwe Boll is a German film maker who uses the German law that movies filmed completely in Germany must be funded by the German government to make his living. Uwe Boll buys cheap video game rights makes bad movies out of them filmed completely in Germany and makes clean profit because the German government pays his budget.)

Prince of Persia was better than I expected it to be. It was sort of predictable from a certain point in the movie what the ending was going to be. A solid story and great action scenes. I hope Disney starts to let lose and really explore their limitless resources.

The Amputation Diet (The secret to losing those extra pounds)

It is no lie America has gotten fat in the last few years. It is also no lie that if we don't do something about it soon America is just going to sink rite down into the surrounding ocean. We need to lose weight and we need to do it fast! This is a call to action people. Lose weight or drown. Now you may be asking your self "but If I gain a bunch of weight before we all drown wont I just float on top of the water?" Let me answer that for you. Yes you will float. In a recent study by a community collage in an obese town in western Pennsylvania, fat people float way better than skinny people. The problem is when you are just floating there in the middle of the ocean thinking about how you are responsible for just sinking a Continent. Below you lies a massive underwater wasteland of America. Now how do you feel?

Do not worry there is a simple solution to this crazy epidemic. It is called the Amputation Diet. The Amputation Diet is simple. All you need to do is follow the guide below!

MACGRUBER (Movie Review)

Macgruber is a parody movie about the 80's TV show MacGyver. MacGyver was a show that basically was the same show over and over again in each installment. The hero of the show, MacGyver was of course a mullet sporting, flannel vest wearing redneck in pilot shades. MacGyver almost always found him self in the same impossible situation. Situations like; being tied up by bad guys, defusing a live bomb, trapped in a room, and the list goes on. The special thing about MacGyver was he would put together some sort of radio shack geek invention to save the day.

In the end of each episode MacGyver would defuse a bomb and kiss an extremely attractive 80's women dressed in jeans that made your butt look like two watermelons sitting side by side in a supermarket, and hair with an assortment of exotic birds living in it. My point is that it would be very non-stereotypical to find a women that did not look like that in the 80's. I would like to give a shout out to all those 80's moms out there. I know you have at least one pair of these stylish jeans you wish you could still fit into. I am getting ahead of myself. I will post dieting information in upcoming blogs.

Now that I have you thinking about Big hair, tight jeans, and watermelon, I will give you my opinion on the wonderful movie Macgruber. If you have a sarcasm detector (yes they do sell them) you will have now have realized that I did not think Macgruber was a wonderful movie. The main amount of this movie is Macgruber acting like a total idiot, getting naked and shoving a stick of celery up his butt then eating it. I think this movie was going for shock value. Just make it as dirty as possible to make people cringe a little. Like when a horror movie (such as Drag Me to Hell) makes a horrible storyline and fills it with as much fake CGI blood and insects as possible just to obtain that "Holy Crap" look on peoples faces. By people I mean all the scared little 12 year old's and there 12 year old friends who think a movie like Drag Me to Hell is incredibly scary. Movies like this have a very select audience. Macgruber is one of those movies that was sort of funny but the dirty jokes got repetitive after watching the movie for the first 30 minutes. Although as much of a waste of film budget this movie was, it made me lqtm (laugh quietly to myself) a few times. During the sex scenes if you close your eyes the sounds effects (supplied by Will Forte) will make you laugh. The scene that Macgruber rigs a cup of water above the door as the deceased corpse of a guard with his throat ripped out holds up a sign that says "your all wet".

All and all I would not expect Macgruber to do good in the box office. It will probably flop like a fat kid jumping into a pool. Not really Worth the money. Wait till it comes out if you still wanna see it either download it in a free torrent file or hold your friend at gun point and make him buy the DVD for you. Not the best comedy but not the worst comedy.